Who defines you?

The greatest failing of all is to let
yourself be determined by others.

Listen and consider what others say,
contemplate and assimilate their ideas,
but ultimately determine yourself,
by yourself. That is what it means
to be free.

Things are not good or bad.

People like to blame things,
it is this constant habit we
have of pushing responsibility
away from ourselves and onto
others and objects.
Things require action.
A noun does nothing without a verb.
A gun is harmless until action is applied.
Medicine does nothing, until it is taken.

Freedom to speak to many people,
is a thing, benign. How you use
it determines it’s benefit or detriment.

Freedom of self determination,
that is what most people fear.

It is a fear of self.

Many don’t want the burden of
determining themselves,
I cannot describe the satisfaction,
and you could not understand it anyway,
if you don’t know it first hand.

Thought is the only reality.
Your thoughts are your
perception, and that in turn
becomes reality.

Determine your thoughts,
and you determine yourself.

The burden of you,
truly rests on you,
and you alone.

Everything is a choice.
Dispute that anyway you
like, but in the end,
your response to every
event is up to you.

Stupid people succeed,
and smart people fail,
all the time.

Luck and fortune,
are states of mind.
They are choices.

Every situation can be won
or lost, it is up to you.
Sometimes the way to win,
is to walk away.
Sometimes winning is just
minimizing your losses.
You determine your outcome.

Political Movements Abound. The Tea Party, and Now The Coffee Party. I’m Going to Start The Birthday Party.

It sounds like a debacle really,
but this is how it’s supposed to work,
well it’s how it’s supposed to work
in America, I cannot speak for other
countries,

Back to my point.

The Second Amendment,
the right to bear arms ,is not
just there so we can be a nation
of gun loving psychopaths,
it is a deterrent to undemocratic
practices in government.
It is means of last resort to change
the government by force if necessary.

I do not own a gun, however,
I do believe in The Second Amendment.

I consider my position to be fair and reasonable,
a lot of people do not, that is the nature of politics.

Once again,
I will return to my point.

The Tea Party

it’s getting a little wacky for my tastes.
Actually, once the name “tea baggers”
started sticking, I stopped listening.
I hope we have a learned the importance
of checking the urban dictionary for definitions
before picking a nickname for our party members.

The Coffee Party
“Born on Facebook just six weeks ago,
the group boasts more than 110,000 fans,
as of Friday morning”,
according to CNN.

One might think that impressive,
until you compare it to the group
“**WORKING**
Sorority Life Super
BROWNIE HACK CHEAT SHEET
Fast Adds, Tips!”
which has 130,423 fans,
or the extremely popular
“Cowbell” group which sports
a very impressive 387,146 fans.

According to the Coffee Party website:

Coffee Party USA is made up of people acting independently of political parties, of corporations, and of political lobbying networks. To this point, all products created and hours logged for Coffee Party have been carried out in the spirit of volunteerism. In the coming months and years, we hope to transform our disappointment in our current political system into a force that will return our nation to a course of popular governance, of the People by the People for the People.

when was this golden age of politics?
I don’t seem to be able to find the Utopian
period in American political history.

All that being said,
I applaud their efforts,
This is how democracy works.
I’ve read their information,
but the Coffee Party is not for me.

In keeping with the spirit of Democracy,
I am forming,The Birthday Party.

The problem with both of the above groups
is caffeine inspired politics.
I propose sugar buzz based debates,
with all the energy of a four year old’s
birthday party.
Total chaos for a few hours and then
the buzz wears off and everybody takes a nap.

I truly believe this is the best way to go.

I don’t have any actual position or views
yet, but what I do have is a catchy slogan,

Let Them Eat Cake!

Please look for us on Facebook and Twitter.

The soothsayer says…..

Beware the Ides of March.

Nobody ever listens to that guy.

When left unattended for long periods of time, my thoughts tend to drift and wander. Can a wonder wander? Hmmm…. I wonder.

I’m not sure if the target of my title was myself,
or my thoughts being left unattended.
Either of which will work for the purposes of the post.
Make your own selection.
Please do your own work,
No looking at neighbor’s scan-tron sheet.
Has anyone actually ever seen a #1 pencil?
Has anyone ever seen a #3 pencil?
What about,
A five ?
A seven ?
A nine?
What a stupid name for a clothing
store, however surpassed exceedingly,
seemingly unabated, by Old Navy.

Now hush,
I don’t want to go off on a tangent here.
I need to focus on the topic at hand.

Due to a particularly strange sequence of events,
with women,
pimples,
and sex,
I find the act of popping pimples,
to be honest, terribly exciting.
It is an expulsion,
an unchaining,
a release.

I believe in science.
I believe in technology.
Not all science,
and not all technology, mind you.
To further embrace my acne based interest,
I have sought to refine my technique.
Friday, I did not work.
Friday, thanks to my legal team,
I did not have to go to court.
Friday, I went to The GoodWill.
I bought a jacket, one pair of pants,
a white button down shirt
(geez, rachael was right about that),
and a book on s-expressions in Lisp.

In front of The GoodWill,
is a Walgreen’s drug store.
I bought a pack of Tic Tacs,
I love tic tacs. I like the orange ones,
the new big ones that come in cherry flavor,
the red and yellow ones,
I forget the name of them,
and the lemon and lime flavored tic tacs.
I also bought a blemish remover tool.

I don’t seem to be able to make myself happy in regards to a theme.

I don’t seem to be able to make myself happy in regards to a theme.
I saw an interview with a guy the other day on the Colbert report,
his name escapes me at the moment, however he has written a
book regarding choices and how sometimes to many choices
can be a bad thing. I just don’t know.

They have been lying to all of us about rechargeable batteries, fight the battery power, power.

WARNING:
YOUR RESULTS MAY VARY.
I AM NOT CONDONING OR SUGGESTING
YOU TRY THIS AT HOME.

I HAVE NO REAL
KNOWLEDGE
ABOUT BATTERIES
RECHARGEABLE OR
OTHERWISE.

That being said, here’s the
skinny on batteries.
I discovered today that I have been
mixing rechargeable batteries with
allegedly non-rechargeable batteries.
Even more astounding than that,
I have been recharging non-rechargeable
batteries along side rechargeable batteries
for well over a month now.

I wonder what’s wrong with my dog.

My dog Jesse will go into my bathroom garbage can
and eat the q-tips that I throw away.
What’s wrong with him?
I think I just answered my own question.

More hair related controversy

Women go on and freakin’ on about
PMS this, ” that time of the month” that,
blah blah, “I gave birth”, yada yada yada.

I want to talk about an issue facing men,
ear hair.

I know it’s not pretty,
but we need to talk about it.

For me, I don’t have a bush growing out
of my ear canal, certainly not enough to
warrant policing the area on a daily basis.
What I get is just the occasional stray hair.

Although I am unable to grow hair on the top
of my head, for some reason, the random stray
hair sprouting from the inside of my ear,
has the uncanny ability to grow at a rate
ten times that of any other hair on my body.

I am never able to discover the rogue hair myself,
oh no, it’s always discovered by some real hot girl
I’m trying to talk to, and always, always
in public.

So ladies,
next time you’re whining about pantyhose
or something,
just be thankful you don’t real problems,
like ear hair.

Swerve killing condiments and seasonings.

Brown mustard:
Who in their right mind eats this nonsense?
Mustard is YELLOW, bright YELLOW .
It should leave stains in your clothes.

Mayonnaise:
That is just coagulated sperm.
mayonnaise is some nasty fucking goo.

Worcestershire sauce:
The soured, bastardized cousin to mayo.
If nasty was an Olympic sport,
Worchestershire sauce would win the gold medal.

Old Bay Seasoning:
This toxic powder was attached as a sample to my
Sunday paper. It tastes like concentrated crab boil,
pickles, and Worcestershire sauce.

Accent Seasoning:
It doesn’t actually taste bad, but the problem is
that is nothing but MSG. You know ,
the stuff that Chinese restaurants
advertise as NOT using in your food.

You want the truth?

Croutons are idiotic.

It’s stale fucking bread.
The only thing I haven’t figured out
is why there is no mold on them.
So let’s assume croutons are necessary,
that for some inane reason, we have to have them.
Is it too much to ask to make them cheesy ?
Put some fucking cheese on that stale ass bread.

How do people find my blog?

I reviewed the ever so handy,
and equally as dandy wordpress stats,
only to find my suspicions,
which I have been quite suspicious of,
have been right all along.

I am a destination for mac enthusiasts
seeking pleasure via big top sexual deviation,
but only if it’s free.

Top Searches

free clown porn for iphone

No, I’m not kidding.

I would say “srsly”, but that is just annoying.

I’ve been thinking about Lenny Brisco…….

Which started me down a long road,
fragmented avenue, aka tangent street.
I wonder if I will ever see every episode
of Law and Order.
I start to think about how the public
perception of the legal system
has been tainted by that show,
and if it’s in a good way or a bad way.
I am pretty sure I learned the term
‘GSW’
from Law and Order.

Damn,
I miss Lenny, he was the best.

Tonight,
Angela,
from that show,
Who’s The Boss,
was a judge in a murder trial.

Angela was an earlier adopter
of this whole cougar thing,
which by the way shows great
strides in equality of the sexes.
A woman can now be just as
pathetic as a man and prey
on the young and naive in
a desperate attempt to
reclaim lost youth.
You’ve come along way baby.

Tony Danza.
A few years ago, my friend went
to Los Vegas to an event for a site
called poetry.com, that event was
hosted by Tony Danza.
I saw a t-shirt once that said,
“Hold me closer Tony Danza”,
I think I laughed for a week.
Elton John used to fly out of an
airport where Kelly and I worked.
I really enjoyed that job.

Does anybody smoke anymore, besides Obama?

I strongly suggest you take the time to learn a
little bit more about Vice President Joe Biden,
he’s a good guy.

My Dearest Slutty,

My dearest Slutty,
I received your latest alimony check,
it was on time as usual, thank you.

Ever since that unfortunate financial
misunderstanding that caused me to resign
as Mayor, and that messy situation with
the Brazilian stripper that lead to our divorce,
times have been hard for me.
I believe that is all about to change though.
I spoke with a gentleman today
who would like me to embark on a business
endeavor with him.
He proposes that we, he and I, allow ourselves to launch
the careers of young starlets. We, in effect, would give the
young ladies a way to begin their acting profession,
unburdened of the confines of both rules and their clothing.
It’s kind of like being a secret agent, or a host on The Price is Right,
or the weather man, from an abstract styled perspective.
Regardless, it is slightly covert, and nothing I would care to admit
whilst we hob knob with the best of people because of the mounds
of wealth we have amassed, so there will have to be a cover story
you see, I may leave those details to you.

Leroy

My Dear Leroy,

I am delighted to hear your job prospects are on the up
as quite frankly you are becoming rather an inconvenient drain on my finances,
especially since that lawyer of yours managed to increase the alimony I am already forced to pay you.

Quite how you managed to convince the judge that your beauty regime was
a necessary expense, I have no idea, but then I am sure one flutter of your pretty boy
lashes had a similar effect on him as John Belushi had on Carrie Fisher.

I do hope you manage to find some gainful employment quite soon.,
as it’s been rather a troublesome time of late, what with those people
we lost at the clinical trials this month, so there’s a fair chance our research
funding may be cut short, unlike your nails, if this becomes the case.

yours hopefully,

Slutty P x

I’ve been thinking about a few things.

• The United States Post Office
  has those “if it fits it ships” boxes,
  I’m considering filling one with lead
  to test that policy.
• I’m pretty sure that I have
  absolutely no desire to be on a
  reality television show
• I used my printer the other day,
  I can’t remember the last time I did that,
  I wonder if anyone prints anything anymore
• The only fast food I ever eat is Taco Bell,
  and that’s only about once a month. The last
  time I walked into a McDonald’s, I could feel
  the grease in the air
• I look at my ceiling and wonder how long
  it took somebody to make those splat marks.

Damn. My nipples sure are sore.

Yesterday,
I had an important meeting,
of the business variety.
Despite being far more
of a fashionista than

She who divorced me over one small
indiscretion with a Brazilian stripper

I asked her opinion about what I should wear.
Her flood of indecision and waffling and general
anxiety struck me like a small tsunami, causing
me to pick the striped shirt that I had purchased
just thirty minutes prior.
This proved to be extremely problematic,
as the new unwashed shirt was quite abrasive
and has rubbed my nipples quite raw.