All this social networking,
it has become a bit much.
It was just email at first,
and that was great when
I started using it twenty years
ago, but something that was
kind of a secret club for those in
the know, soon became the
way my weird aunt sent me
bizarre chain letter style messages,
or forwarded idiotic jokes that I had
seen so many times before.
I would cringe as soon as I saw
a subject line titled,
“FWD: FWD: FWD:…….”
yet I had to read it because I knew
crazy aunt Sally would call me soon
so that we could discuss the cute picture
that she had forwarded to me.
Instant Messaging
I held out forever on Instant messaging.
IM conversations annoyed me almost
immediately, as it became obvious people
were talking to several people at once,
and I found myself often typing,
“Wrong Window”
to the multi-tasker on the other side.
That coupled with the annoying,
“Hey are you there?”
messages while I was in stealth mode.
I have almost abandoned Instant messaging
altogether, I check it once a week now,
just to see if I missed anything of value.
MySpace
Are you fucking kidding me?
I looked, but never leaped.
I’m sorry, but it’s like a Big Mac
in saggy pants fucked a neon sign
wearing a Brittany Spears T-shirt
and had a website for a child.
It’s fucking pop culture with pimples
throwing up on itself from binge drinking
while watching an “American Pie” movie.
I actually had an old boss who
fired me for disagreeing with him
ask me to write him a recommendation
on LinkedIn. Believe it or not,
I declined his request, amazingly without
cussing him out severely.
I have written several recommendations
for other people who I have enjoyed working
with in the past, however when I was looking
for a job LinkedIn did nothing for me,
and I can’t find my password
or else I would delete my account.
Now Twitter is nothing more than
people spamming text messages
at one another. I get so many
messages, I can’t possibly read them.
My Twitter inbox is flooded with invitations
to take quizzes, or vote on which Jonas
I think is the cutest, I don’t even know
what a Jonas looks like. I constantly
have to ask what all the
abbreviations mean.
Yesterday I learned that “smh”
means “shakes my head”.
I tried to figure that out for
almost three days.
Facebook at first seemed
the most reasonable, it’s
good way to reconnect with
old friends, except you lost
contact with most of them
for a reason. Out of the seventy
or so old friends I “reconnected”
with, I actually speak to one of
them.
The posts people make are like
the updates people send out at
Christmas time to tell you how
wonderful their life has been
for the past year, except on
Facebook they come every fucking
day, all fucking day long.
If their life was so amazing,
then why are they on Facebook
playing Mob Wars and sending
me invitations to Farmville,
or some dumb ass heart present,
or invitation to join their gay ass
cause.
I have deleted my Facebook account,
and I don’t miss it at all.
Goodbye social networking,
I’m just going to blog.
