My Dearest Slutty,

My dearest Slutty,
I received your latest alimony check,
it was on time as usual, thank you.

Ever since that unfortunate financial
misunderstanding that caused me to resign
as Mayor, and that messy situation with
the Brazilian stripper that lead to our divorce,
times have been hard for me.
I believe that is all about to change though.
I spoke with a gentleman today
who would like me to embark on a business
endeavor with him.
He proposes that we, he and I, allow ourselves to launch
the careers of young starlets. We, in effect, would give the
young ladies a way to begin their acting profession,
unburdened of the confines of both rules and their clothing.
It’s kind of like being a secret agent, or a host on The Price is Right,
or the weather man, from an abstract styled perspective.
Regardless, it is slightly covert, and nothing I would care to admit
whilst we hob knob with the best of people because of the mounds
of wealth we have amassed, so there will have to be a cover story
you see, I may leave those details to you.

Leroy

My Dear Leroy,

I am delighted to hear your job prospects are on the up
as quite frankly you are becoming rather an inconvenient drain on my finances,
especially since that lawyer of yours managed to increase the alimony I am already forced to pay you.

Quite how you managed to convince the judge that your beauty regime was
a necessary expense, I have no idea, but then I am sure one flutter of your pretty boy
lashes had a similar effect on him as John Belushi had on Carrie Fisher.

I do hope you manage to find some gainful employment quite soon.,
as it’s been rather a troublesome time of late, what with those people
we lost at the clinical trials this month, so there’s a fair chance our research
funding may be cut short, unlike your nails, if this becomes the case.

yours hopefully,

Slutty P x

Fannie Mae and health care reform

I was thinking about health care and all.
I do see merit to the arguments on both sides.
I am a believer in free markets
and fear that additional government involvement
in the insurance industry will manifest into another
Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac type situation.

Fannie Mae, the largest U.S. mortgage-finance company,
has posted $120.5 billion in net losses in the nine quarters
ended in September and requested $59.9 billion in Treasury aid.
Bank Of America was not the only one bailed out.

What in the world does this have to do with health care?

It could be suggested that one of the largest contributing
factors to the banking debacle has been the government
artificially influencing the lending markets through Freddie Mac/ Fannie Mae.
I fear a similar effect by the current health care reform proposal.

I don’t have the answer though.

These are just my thoughts,
do not interpret them as being “Republican”
or that I am against Obama.

I support President Obama,
and especially Joe Biden, I love that guy.

I am for America.

The iPad, doesn't that sound like……

Doesn’t that sound like a feminine hygiene product?
Maybe the larger version will be called the Max-iPad.

The Huffington Post apparently won't give me my own blog, I am now boycotting those freakballs.

I signed up for an account over on the huffington post.
I wanted to contribute and help create some balance.
One of the things I noticed was that they have coverage
for La, New York, Chicago and Denver, but no Atlanta.
The monkeygirl noticed that their coverage was anything
but worldly, and despite her thinking we had 52 states in
America (monkeygirl is English by the way),
she does have a point that in a Global Village,
we have to at least recognize that now matter how
trivial and insignificant places are outside of the United
States, they do exist.
Back to my point.
Signing up for the Huffington Post only gives me the
ability to comment on their blog posts, not create my
own blog so I will boycott them and continue to blog
here on wordpress.

So I just want to know….am I the only one who fakes them?

I used to date this girl,
names will not be used,
not that she is innocent
or anything, I just don’t
need another attempt on
my life.
That sure is a strange saying
isn’t it?

“An attempt on my life”

I am attempting to have a life,
however the results are not so
forth coming, maybe it’s because
the are forthwith and foregone as
a conclusion that they, vis a vis,
or so it would seem to be,
sans intrusion on the inclusion of
said results I aforementioned.

Back to my point.

A picture is worth one thousand words? No, that math doesn't work, that dog won't hunt…..wait, I can explain.

I realize you are not convinced yet,
now hush, and let me finish.

If a picture is worth one thousand words,
then why don’t you just point to the picture
at McDonald’s or where ever?
Why do you waste your time with all
those words?

in the wake of my atomic robot man scandal, I find myself contemplating glue at a deeper level

Some of you,
like myself,
may remember how life was
before the krazy glue epoc.
Everyone suffered along in
an ignorantly blissful state.
Glue came in a few varieties
like rubber cement, and the
white goo glue.
Rubber cement was a substance
rarely found outside of the art room
at school. This unworldly compound
had properties far different that those
of other glues;  durable, yet pliable,
and always good for rolling small amounts
between your fingers to form mini super balls,
as well as being the perfect prop for an endless
stream of snot related jokes.

I am beside myself here.

There is me,
and there is me,
standing next to me.

I am terribly
disappointed in all of you.

I am going to take my ticket
and get on the trauma train.

Woe is me, woe is me.

A verbis ad verbera

Ab ovo usque ad mala

Adversus incendia excubias nocturnas vigilesque commentus est

All I am saying, is give peas a chance…..

Damn,
wrong greasy hippie song in the title.

Imagine

Imagine cans in the store,
having no wrapper on them.

Imagine not having a name.

Imagine dogs not being
called dogs, and cats not
being called cats.

Imagine no labels.

What kind of pinko commie
“let’s all go live in a damn
commune and not bathe”
kind of nonsense is that supposed to be
anyway?

Tangent:
Why do prepositions seem
to fit so comfortably at the
end of so many sentences?
I blame Gerald Ford and
the sharp decline in Tang
consumption.

We as a country,

NO

we as a global village,
all with exit ramps from
Al Gore’s information super
highway need to drink more
tang.

Tangent:  Tangent:
How many people heard
Beavis say,
“He said tang, uhuh uhuh”
in their mind just now?

Tangent:  Tangent:  Tangent:
Can you take the information
super highway to the international
space station? If so, what exit?

Tangent:  Tangent:  Tangent:  Tangent:
HAARP scares the hell out of me,
but, could we use it to do mind
control on all the foreigners
on the international space station?

…..and we’re back.

What is my point?

Imagine no labels hippie freak,
and then go take a bath.

I don’t care,
because those are just labels,
and I hate labels man.

All I am saying,
is give peas a chance…..
that is if you can find them
since none of the cans
are labeled.

She needs to be loved.

She needs to be loved.

I need someone to not
leave every time things
get a little strange.

I mean really what the
fuck do people expect
out of me? It’s not like
I have ever been any other
way. Truth be told, I think
I do better than most with
the whole reality thing.
Well, not really, but I
am consistent, and further
more I am persistent.

Fuck there was a point,
but I’ve long since forgotten
where I was going with all that.

Neither one of us seem to be able
to remember what day it is, that
could be a potential problem.

I tried to get us organized, and
make us a calendar so we could
start scheduling things and setting
reminders and stuff, but we both
keep forgetting to do it.

I don’t care, she makes me smile,
and what an ass on that chick.
I can overlook her long list
of shortcomings I think.
Can someone have a long list
of shortcomings?
It just doesn’t sound right.

I’m totally having poptart withdraws.
I’ve been off of them for like three
weeks now. I used to always eat them
at this time of day. I would wake up
to eat a poptart.

I didn’t need an alarm clock,
it’s instinctual for me.

I should be asleep, I have a meeting in
five hours. Well I think I have a meeting,
I just can’t get the hang of that fucking
calendar thing.
This will probably turn out to be one
of those times like showing up for
school when it’s closed, or on a Saturday.

Maybe you don’t know that feeling,
so you can’t understand, but she does.

At least I won’t be the only one standing
in the parking lot this time, she’ll be
there too, and she’ll bring us something
to eat. It will be like a picnic and
we really won’t care that we aren’t
supposed to be there.

You never look stupid
if someone else is with you.

I am out of bubble gum

I am out of bubble gum,
so there is no real incentive to be awake.
If I had hair and bubble gum,
I would wake up
as to avoid getting gum in my hair.

I really miss listening to Art Bell on am radio.

Does America really need Congress?

We do need Congress to author
and introduce legislation,
but why can’t the American
people vote directly on the issues?

In the past,

this wasn’t a realistic option,

but now, the technology is

widely available.

Why can’t the American people
represent themselves?

I know my opinion better than anyone else.
I am the best representative for myself,
I would hope you would feel the same way.

I would like to say I had a epiphany or something, but that would imply action.

For some strange reason,
I am at ease.

My head is clear,
and I have no idea why.
Further more,
I don’t care why.

I am a firm believer in the
irrelevance of “why”.

Are you wondering why
I keep saying “why”?

Rather,
are you wondering why
I keep typing “why”?

I don’t know why,
and I just told you it’s irrelevant.

Please pay attention.

According to my scientific study about anger and brussels sprouts……

I have found a direct correlation between
children that do not eat their Brussels sprouts
and adults with anger management issues.
The most severe cases are those involving
English girls who hide them in their father’s
shoes. These individuals are prone to extreme
grumpiness and tend to lash out at the bald-headed.

There is no known cure or treatment.

If you're paranoid and you know it, clap your hands.

Embrace your inner conspiracy theorist.
Realize that maybe, just maybe,
the massive web of deceit is
something you created yourself.
Ah ha!
That is EXACTLY what I want you
to think, isn’t it?
That you are crazy,
that you just imagine the whole thing.

I must be messing with you,
it’s nothing but mind games!

You are of sound mind, aren’t you?
Ah ha!
More mind games,
designed to chip away at your self-confidence.

What if, you’re just making it fit?
Making it fit like you make your
horoscope fit.

More mind games, clearly.
I am just trying to confuse you.